It's been a while since I've posted here. Don't know if I ever got to post here regularly. Greasy Lake was a disappointment and then Bruce's work, except for Western Stars, has also been a big disappointment for me the last good few years. It's been a big while since I was truly affected by Bruce's music. Or it had until today.
Jackson Cage is certainly not a new song for me. I was there when Gmail launched and claimed jacksoncage as my email address which I still use. It has always struck a cord with me. But today it has brought me to tears and I couldn't tell you when that last happened with Bruce's music,
I've been through a bit of rough patch these past 5 years. Left my country, friends and family, lost my job and my career, had to start over, struggled with mental health issues, had to work in call centres getting abuse, struggled with physical health issues... It's been quite a bumpy last few years.
I did get help. Lots of it. I'm now on my 5th therapist in as many years. All the therapists I had before wanted me to conform to their expectations. You know, for someone who can put on a cast, everything is a broken leg. Some really enjoyed chatting with me and forgot what I was paying them for. But this last one helped really understand some things. I don't mean rationally. Any relatively smart person can understand where their issues come from if they think about them a bit. I mean emotionally. Which means to understand them and allow that understanding to impact your life.
I have come to understand most of my shortcomings. I have learned not to hold myself responsible for all the things that happened to me since I was old enough to talk and I truly began to understand how I was born into a community that has a fool proof system against people who want to get out. It will keep you there or it will let you get out but you'll be forever scarred and unable to live properly elsewhere. It will kick you in the teeth, tell you you have to like it and make you feel guilty if you don't. Because you're not any more important than all the other people who get kicked in the teeth every day.
But I got out and I've been paying the price. I'm glad I did. Hopefully, my son won't have to go through the same. I look at everyone who stayed behind and they have become the hand that turns the key to the cage. First they rebelled, then they developed a sense of belonging and then they became an active part of it. I struggles many, many years with the idea that I wasn't deserving of more than that because I wasn't more worthy than any of them. It's a bitch of a trap. Because it keeps you from even acknowledging it exists our of fear that you might just be feeling sorry for your poor, pitiful self.
It was with this in mind that I listened to Jackson Cage today. And I cried. It takes some very deep, first hand understanding of life in those places to write something like that, and I am very grateful that Bruce did such a brilliant job. Today it feels much more honest, sincere and real than anything on Born to Run. And that was exactly what I needed,